Little Johnny’s neighbours had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital Johnny’s family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny’s dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby’s missing ears, or even said the word ears, he would get the spanking of his life when they got back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, “What a beautiful baby.”

The mother said, “Why, thank you, Little Johnny.”

Johnny said, “He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes.” And then asked “Can he see?”

“Yes”, the mother replied, “we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision”

“That’s great”, said Little Johnny, “coz he’d be f*ed if he needed glasses.”

Just cut and fold.

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female…… Any part under a car’s hood. Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another. Male…. Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner. Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female…. A desire to get married and raise a family. Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book. Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female…. An embarrassing by product of indigestion. Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve. Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

1. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes

Turkey, which had also hosted the Champions League Final last May, has successfully carried out another huge international sporting event, the Formula 1 seasons 14th race, the inaugural Turkish Grand Prix held at Istanbul Park. Formula One head Bernie Ecclestone….. asked how long Formula One will be in Turkey, he said: “We’re going to be here forever, don’t worry.”

Once more the Finnish national anthem rang out as Kimi Raikkonen stood on the top step of the podium after taking victory with another great performance but Alonso steals second to dampen McLaren’s day. There was good and bad news for McLaren in Istanbul

Montoya, set the fastest lap of the race but that was the only satisfaction the Colombian could draw as his team mate covered him in a head-to-head battle, and he then lost an easy second place with an error just two laps from home.

Michael Schumacher was accused of “un-sportsmanlike behaviour” by Mark Webber after they clashed during the race, and both drivers retired shortly after the incident. Webber admitted he could understand what had gone through the German’s head and said: “Sometimes even when he is in the s@#$ he doesn’t like to give or take. But that is probably why he is a good champion!” (love it!)

A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV and said to his wife, “Quick, bring me a beer before it starts”

She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, “Quick, bring me another beer. It’s gonna start.”

This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, “Quick, another beer before it starts.”

“That’s it!” She blows her top, “You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don’t even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don’t you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?

The husband sighed… “Shit, it’s started.”