Two women friends had gone for a girl’s night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezes. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend, however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she decided to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women’s husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, “These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!”

“That’s nothing” said the other husband, “Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said….. “From all of us at the Fire Station. We’ll never forget you.”

My mates first album launch, for more information click on the image

As you all know I’m heading to Vietnam next month for three weeks. Part of my planning for the BIG trip includes vaccinations. So I booked an appointment with my doctor last Thursday. Following the recommendations I asked for Typhoid fever, Malaria, Hepatitis A, Hapatitis B & Yellow fever. After reviewing my medical vaccinantion history it turns out the doctor would only give me a Typhoid shot, prescription for Malaria tablets and would require 4ml of blood to test if the other vaccinations were required.

Well, about one hour after receiving it I started to feel a little weird which turned quickly into pain. Thursday night was spent worrying about my throat closing up which meant I was gasping for air, had chest pains and kept thinking about whether I should head to Manly hospital down the road.

Friday I felt a little better in the morning but I soon turned south again after about three hours at work (like every day really haha), so I phoned the doctor to inform her of my symptions to which she advised that some were common and the chest pains more serious, and I should head to the hospital if conditions worsened. Well I decided to go home and rest as I felt really really tired. After about 10 hours sleep I woke up at about 11pm in a cold sweat, had a shower, ate some food and drank about 6 litres of water then went straight back to bed and slept another 10 hours.

Saturday was fairly good, only had a slight tickle in my throat.

Sunday was much better so Noemi & I decided to go on a short road trip to the Shire, Cronulla beach to be precise (no riots that day). I was fine for most of the day until I arrived home and started to feel little naucious and thirsty. The night was spent suffering again with an awful fever, woke up about 4am in a pool of sweat then managed to get back to sleep for another two hours.

Monday the fever had gone but an overnight cold developed. Sinus was going off in my face like a fire cracker but with Little Britain on that evening I knew something had to be done to get me there in one piece. After a short trip to the chemist and plenty of drugs I had a brilliant evening with only a little sniffing and heaps of laughing. If you are a fan of Little Britain, I highly recommend seeing their Live show.

Tuesday woke up with roughly 1000 birds churping outside in the trees, pounding headache, runny nose, chest pains and my sinuses playing up again. No work for me today!

Wednesday (today) still recovering from what can now be called a flu. Turns out I only need a Hepatits A shot but the doctor says I need to be healthy again before receiving it. Just reading up about the side effects of that now! Catching up with Natalie tonight which should be great, so I need a quick recovery like Monday night. Sorry to hear Ryan couldn’t make it out, G’day Millsy I hope the UK is still treating you well!

Having my doubts now about the Malaria tablets. If you travelled with me to Dahab Egypt then you’ll remember what I went through there on Malaria tablets.

Anyway, the point of this post is to warn you of the side effects you may experience with vaccinations.

If you can top the aforementioned experience, from any type of vaccination, then let me know in the comments below.

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1. Argued over nothing.
2. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3. Gained weight.
4. Talked excessively without making sense.
5. Became overly emotional.
6. Couldn’t drive.
7. Failed to think rationally
8. Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary. Send this to the men you know to warn them about drinking too much beer!

The odometer of my Mitsubishi Lancer MR just hit 148,000 which meant it was time for her to receive a service. So I sent her off to see Autolab on Pittwater Road Manly from a friends recommendation. Now she runs straight and like a new car and so she should for the amount of money I spent. The following details requested, required and completed work.

Work to be done at my request Platinum minor service, 4 wheel alignment, acceleration lack power, also fault on de-acceleration, handbrake adjustment, clutch fluid flush, engine decoke and wheel balance rotation.

Work done Apply engine and fuel system cleaning additives, grease, oil change and fluid level checks. Replace oil filter, run engine, check for leaks. Pressure test cooling system, check condition of exhaust system, front and rear suspension and steering components. Lubricate and inspect transmission leakages. Check drive train components. If necessary remove and replace road wheels to inspect and adjust front and rear brakes including hand brake. Inspect and adjust accessory dive belts. Check tyre pressures including spare tyre and adjust as necessary. Check operation of all lights and indicators, horn, windscreen wipers and washers. Detailing including clean and protect all upholstery, dashboard, centre console and trims, vacuum seats, carpet and floor mats, windows cleaned inside and out, scent and tyre shine. Comphrensive mechanical inspection, 30 point safety check and report. Reset vechicle computer/service light (as required). Check clutch slave cylinder and master cylinder for any signs of leakage or deterioration. Vacuum all contaminated fluid from clutch master cylinder reservoir. Refill reservoir, flush and bleed the entire clutch hydraulic system. Disable vehicle fuel system. Connect on ca engine de-coke/injector cleaning machine. Run engine on solvent/fuel mix at idle ad fast idle speeds. Remove machine and re-assemble injection system. Remove intake system to clean throttle body with solvent. Re-assemble and test drive vehicle. Administer in tank fuel system cleaning additive. Remove four wheels, check rims and tyres for run-out and balance. Adjust tyre pressures. Balance four wheels. Pick best position for wheels and replace on vehicle rotating as required.

Parts and materials Windscreen washer additive, Wshop supplies/Enviro Levy, Injector and Carby Cleaner, Engine Flush, Oil Filter, Formula 5000, Disc Brake Fluid, Decoke Purge, Quill, Dyno-tabs Power Booster and ULP Premium Unleaded Fuel.

Repairs Setup alignment heads and carry out computer wheel alignment and replace leaking middle to rear exhaust sections

Report 75% of front and 60% of rear brake material remaining, 70% of front and 60% of rear tyre remaining, Battery condition good and required attention (non-urgent) of slight front brake shudder.