MERRY XMAS all !

A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly…he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replied. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaimed.

“Good,” she replied. “Get your own f##k%n’ blanket!”

After a moment of silence, he farted.

An old man recently returned from Thailand with his new Thai bride.

Lying in bed, the Thai bride is playing with his manhood, slowly up and down, and the old boy says

“You must love that, you haven’t left it alone, since we got back.”

The bride replied, “Not really, I just miss mine.”

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train set in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of You B…..ds who want off, get the f..k off now, cause we’re in a hurry! And all of you B…..ds who are getting on, get the f..k on, cause we’re going down the tracks”

The horrified mother went in and told her son, ‘We don’t Use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS.

When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want You to Use nice language.”

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed Playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,

“All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.”

She hears the little boy continue,

“For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us Today.”

As the mother began to smile, the child added……….

“For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.”

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband said “I bet you can’t tell me something which will make me happy and sad at the same time”.

The wife thought for a few moments, then said, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”